Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
