they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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