wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
