fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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