...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
