is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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