I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
