At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
