K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
its liver damage thursday
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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