that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
