whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
