Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
