I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
