rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
