I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
and you fell through a lawn chair
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
