hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
