I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
