I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
