I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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