sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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