Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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