I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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