will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
