her vagine was all disorganized.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
