I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
