After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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