You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
