Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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