dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
