but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
