dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
