I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
