we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
