just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
