Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
