One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
