The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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