my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
