you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
