My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize