The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
