Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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