omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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