so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm too high and old for this...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize