i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just found puke in my bra..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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