....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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