You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
