You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
