Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
