Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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