dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
not ubering you a puppy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
