Plan B is the new Plan A
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
