I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
