The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
