Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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