I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
