This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
