i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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