She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
