I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
