I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
