so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
