He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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