god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
