We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
