So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
