You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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