I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
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Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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