My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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