Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
