It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
