the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
