I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
