Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
