is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sext me about skeletons
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
