So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Are we still banned from the library?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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